Attraction Theory: What makes us attracted to each other?

Attraction Theory

After receiving a number of emails asking me, what exactly is ‘attraction’ and ‘how do I generate attraction?’ I have decided to write these 2 articles:

Part 1: Covers a lot of evolutionary traits and beliefs and why we are attracted to some people and not others.

Part 2: Breaks down exactly ‘how to generate attraction’

What is Attraction?

This is what the dictionary says:

Noun: 1. The act or capability of attracting.

2. The quality of attracting; charm.
3. a. A feature or characteristic that attracts. b. A person, place, thing, or event that is intended to attract: The main attraction was a Charlie Chaplin film. c. The electric or magnetic force exerted by oppositely charged particles, tending to draw or hold the particles together. d. The gravitational force exerted by one body on another.
4. a. The electric or magnetic force exerted by oppositely charged particles, tending to draw or hold the particles together. b. The gravitational force exerted by one body on another.

Did that help you at all? Of course not! You need to know ‘how’ to create attraction.

Attraction is the chemical reaction that your brain sends to the rest of your body when you see or talk with someone that you like. Side effects include:

• Increased heart rate and breathing.

• A flush of blood to the cheeks and chest.

• Nervousness and an inability to be yourself in some cases.

• A feeling of happiness and energy within your body.

Attraction Theory: How do I generate attraction?

This is highly complex, a number of people have come up with formulas and equations and even methods to explain attraction theory. I am not going to even attempt to explain the complexity of these theories, because (a) It is too time consuming and (b) it won’t make a difference to most of you anyway because you don’t care how your TV works, just as long as it does right?!

This is what the experts say:

Attraction theory is based primarily on the passing down of our genes to the next generation. This mentality is due to evolutionary thought processes.

But as with all things, I believe there is a flaw in the experts’ argument, what is it? Homosexuality. If attraction theory is based on the passing on of our genes through reproduction, then how do we explain homosexual relationships where the couple know that they can never have children with each other as it is by the laws of nature, physically impossible!

There is of course also the argument of couples who do not want to have children; when surveyed, no huge fluctuations were noted between these couples and couples wanting to have children.

Having watched ‘the twins study’ on UK Channel 4 earlier in 2009, I have been fascinated by the findings. The show proved through their research on thousands of sets of both identical and non identical twins that who we become in life can be determined by 50% genetic and 50% environmental factors.

That is to say that homosexuality is partly genetic but also partly environmental. A set of twins living on opposite sides of the world could both have a ‘homosexual’ gene but only 1 of the twins actually becomes gay. Scientists believe that through environment the other brothers ‘homosexual’ gene could be turned off. It can also work the other way around in that both twins had ‘heterosexual’ genes but through environment, 1 of the brothers’ ‘homosexual’ gene had been turned on. Quite confusing isn’t it?

Basically, scientists are now saying that homosexuality is 50% genetic and 50% environmental.

Attraction Theory: Do opposites really attract?

We are attracted to people who are similar to ourselves, we have always known that, but what about the saying: ‘opposites attract’, surely both theories can’t be correct?!

The reason for the like attraction is because we are attracted to those who are just like us, we are at a point in our lives when we are in our ideal setting in both mind and body and we are happy with this, now we want someone similar to us.

The opposites attract saying is due to the same principle, except, we are not yet at the stage where we are happy with ourselves. So whether you find people who are totally opposite to you attractive, could suggest that your subconscious secretly wishes you could be more like them. Now, you may be thinking that this is untrue for you, but the fact is, we are talking about your subconscious mind here, not your conscious mind, the subconscious is far more powerful than you conscious mind, it never sleeps and never stops working.

Without consulting with an expert and tapping in to the power of your subconscious mind, you have no way of knowing how your subconscious is thinking. The flaw I can see to this argument is prison convicts and the female staff who watch over them; I can’t see why the female staff would want to be like the criminal stuck behind bars with no options and no freedom. Yet a lot of female prison staff are attracted to some of the inmates. You could however, apply the bad boy theory to this scenario and assume that it is a short term physical attraction only and not a long term relationship wish.

What is for sure is that ‘attraction theory’ is a very complicated and controversial theory to explain and to do so within a short article like this is very difficult indeed! There are just too many variables and unexplained elements associated with attraction theory for me to put down in these 2 pages.

Attraction Theory: The Survey

A survey was conducted into attraction theory with the results hitting a lot of people in the community as quite a shock. The study/survey found that the way we view attraction is very similar to the way in which animals view attraction.

Women

Women tend to look for a man who can provide the best lifestyle and security for their family. This is one of the reasons why you often see women with older men. Many men see this type of woman as a ‘gold digger’ amongst other names….. but in actual fact, these women are only using their assets to their advantage and giving themselves a good and happy lifestyle.

In effect they are doing exactly the same thing as the man, he prefers the younger woman for health and ego reasons and the woman prefers the older man for maturity and security reasons. I believe that a lot of the guys with bitterness towards attractive women with older men are just jealous because they want the woman for themselves.

Men

In the majority of men surveyed, they said that they tend to go purely for image when selecting a female partner, they wanted the best looking woman they could get and they wanted her to be in great shape physically. But what was surprising was the fact that most men opted for the hourglass figure over the slim figure in a woman when talking about marriage and children.

Evolutionary Psychology – Men: The selection of a female partner in men is due mainly to health and fertility reasons. The subconscious figures that a healthy full figured woman will stand a better chance of producing healthy offspring.

Evolutionary Psychology – Women: The selection of a male partner in women is due mainly to security reasons. The subconscious figures that a man with good security can take care of her and her children.

The Facts on Attraction Theory

The study showed that women preferred an older man and rated his security and wealth as the main thing that attracted her to him. By security this term covers a broad range of attributes like (finances, status, position at work, assets (house, car,) and love shown towards her or her children.)

His wealth and status were the overriding factors of choice in the case of the woman from countries all over the world covering 6 continents. Now, I understand that a lot of you will be reading this and saying “what a load of rubbish!

“I go for this or I go for that…” but a survey of 10,000 people cannot be wrong, perhaps you do go for looks or personality but not everyone thinks the same way as you do. In Western Countries I personally believe this to be incorrect due to the new found freedom that women have in work and lifestyle. I believe that Western women go for appearance, personality and the man’s lifestyle as a package.

In non Western countries however, you must remember that women do not have the freedom and finances that women have in our society, some women have no choice but to marry for security. Assuming this belief has been filtered down through the generations in these countries, I can only come to the conclusion that this has become ingrained into the mentality of a lot of women, particularly from their mothers.

Men on the other hand almost always chose the younger woman and most based their selection on appearance alone; I think we all knew that already! Men are very simple creatures and have very simple needs.

This study was conducted over almost 40 different cultures over 6 continents throughout the world. This suggests that these findings cannot be due to environment alone and therefore, genetics must somehow play a role, just how big a role genetics plays in attraction is something that science is still working on…..

The Online Dating Coach’s Advice With Surprising Results – It Actually Worked

In a snapshot of adolescent franticness, endeavoring to unravel a book from a person I was seeing at that point, I wound up turning to the web for answers. Skimming my query items, a video of a man offering his translation of different writings from different men grabbed my eye. I was captivated and chosen to give it a watch, not ready for the bunny opening I was making a plunge into.

I watched many more than one video of men clarifying how their psyches work and how to utilize that data in my own dating life. These men, for the most part passing by the title of ‘dating mentor’ or ‘relationship master’, vowed to furnish me with every one of the solutions to my dating troubles — with their essential wellspring of believability being the way that they were men.

So with that, I rushed to excuse these recordings and their position — seeing them as just insignificant money gets. These men didn’t really have the appropriate responses or want to help me, they were only a gathering of vultures discovering approaches to benefit from my incidents. However, at whatever point one of these recordings slipped their way into my suggested area I was unable to help myself from watching.

Having been presented to this universe of web based dating mentors for such a long time—watching endless recordings of theirs throughout the long term — I at last chose to allow them an opportunity. Being single without precedent for a very long time, I had disregarded the challenges of the dating scene. I pondered internally one night that I’d maybe rushed to pass judgment on these men, that I should offer them a chance to substantiate themselves. In this way, I set up a little trial for myself and chose to follow one of their recordings.

The Experiment

Given the climate of the cutting edge universe of dating, I figured what better approach to try out these dating mentors’ recommendation than through Tinder. My principle issue with dating has consistently been really getting dates and becoming acquainted with individuals. Regardless of Tinder and other dating applications permitting me the capacity to associate with millions, I’m fortunate to get anything over a two message ‘discussion’.

Along these lines, my objective from this examination was to have a veritable discussion over Tinder and land myself a date — nothing excessively ridiculous except for absolutely not a simple assignment for a fact.

I chose to follow Matthew Hussey’s recommendation from his video; 3 Risk-Free Messages to Make the First Move Online. For what reason did I go with that video specifically? All things considered, there was the reality it’s anything but a Matthew Hussey video who is by all accounts the big enchilada in the order of dating mentors. He’s distributed books, shown up, facilitated dating shows — if anybody merits looking for dating direction from, he is by all accounts the person.

Really that well, the guidance he gave in the video was by and large the thing I was searching for — a determination of messages I could ship off folks to start a connecting with discussion. I’ve taken the main action numerous a period on dating applications however the entirety of my endeavors neglected to invigorate any conversation. However, in the event that these messages truly would get the discussion streaming, perhaps, quite possibly, I could get a date.

The Messages

The three recommended messages were as per the following;

Is it accurate to say that you are truly (embed a reality about them)?

I have no clue on the off chance that we would get along, however I needed to send you a message since you likewise love (fill in the clear)

That outfit in your profile pic…

In this way, with my inquiries prepared I began swiping and sent the initial three people I coordinated with an inquiry each.

Photograph by the creator

Cian was my first match and given that the lone data he furnished me with was a bio expressing ‘Anyplace recruiting?’ the lone message I could think to send was, ‘Would you say you are truly searching for some place employing?’. I’ll concede, I felt like somewhat of a dolt sending that message however, causing me a deep sense of shock, he answered. Furthermore, straight away the discussion began streaming. I was unable to recollect the last time I had a collaboration on Tinder like that — brief reactions, strong talk — the message worked.

Hussey’s thinking behind message alternative one is that it makes the discussion about the person, which means he can without much of a stretch identify with it and in this manner think that its simpler to react. It additionally gives the impression of a certified interest in him — setting a positive initial feeling. Furthermore, in light of Cian’s reactions, the rationale added up.

Message two went to Rajheem who obviously worked at Dunder Mifflin; ‘I have no clue on the off chance that we would get along yet I needed to send you a message since you likewise love The Office’. This message, I was eager to send — I’ll take any risk I can will discuss The Office. Considering that, I wasn’t too astonished to even think about getting an answer. We had a little to and fro referring to the show for the duration of the evening anyway past that we didn’t have a lot to discuss. That being said, I actually making the most of our talk.

Also, it’s a good idea that we had a decent starting discussion. Hussey portrays the benefit of communicating something specific about shared interests is that you can go past showing your advantage exclusively based off looks. He additionally asserts the message places you in a high-esteem position so you don’t appear to be poor — recognizing the way that you couldn’t say whether you might want the person. I can just accept this is some mental stunt to attempt get the person to pursue you, nonetheless, seeing as neither of us informed each other since I can’t vouch for the legitimacy of this case.

The last message was my most un-top choice — in light of the fact that I thought it was cringey as well as I was unable to discover a person with a significant outfit for the existence of me. Yet, at last, I coordinated with Graham who was wearing a fairly one of a kind all yellow group in one of his photos. I changed the message to work for Tinder — ‘That outfit in your third pic with the canine… ‘ — and after two hours got a reaction.

Hussey’s messages hit a full go-around. In spite of the fact that Graham may have quickly expected I was commending his outfit as opposed to feeling as though he was on a bluff holder and gotten interested as Hussey said he would — he actually answered we actually had a discussion. We went from a talking about design to music, prompting us becoming acquainted with one another’s inclinations and diversions. All things considered, it was quite charming and I accepted there was a real common premium in studying the other individual.

The Results

Nonetheless, notwithstanding their prosperity as ice breakers, did Hussey’s messages get me a date? I’m glad to report, they did. Cian and I were informing each other for a couple of days before we chose to orchestrate a get together. We just got an espresso and a touch of lunch, not all that much or heartfelt, however it’s anything but a date.

Going into this involvement in such low assumptions I would have been dazzled with one discussion. In any case, to have three effective discussions and one date — I’m actually astounded. I really thought Hussey’s messages would be excessively made and unnatural to work at the same time, obviously, I wasn’t right and I’m cheerful about it.

Regardless of whether nothing happens to my date it was reviving to in any event go on one — something I haven’t recently had the option to accomplish. There weren’t any cases that these messages would discover me the ‘right fellow’ or that they’d lead to heartfelt achievement — assuming a message had the ability to do that, there wouldn’t be a requirement for dating mentors in any case. Yet, I can’t deny, the outcomes were past what was guaranteed and the messages were compelling.

Regardless of whether dating was a science, my investigation would be hugely imperfect. My example size was strangely little, I didn’t have any benchmark group. I might have sent the messages to another gathering of folks and gotten completely various outcomes. Similarly, I might have sent similar three people various messages and they could’ve had similar outcomes. It’s basically impossible to reach any conclusive determinations about those particular messages from my experience.

In any case, the exhortation in the video wasn’t the messages—it was the thinking behind them. They offered an understanding into how to get individuals intrigued and more drew in with a discussion. Any message with a similar thinking might have worked.

The guidance from these dating mentors shouldn’t be taken in exactly the same words — it shouldn’t be. You can’t in any way, shape or form construct a sound and fruitful relationship on a bogus and controlled character got from YouTube recordings. In any case, they can offer an important knowledge into individuals’ mind that, while as yet acting naturally, you can use to help assemble associations.

With all that being said, these are my last contemplations on dating mentors. I actually accept that occasionally they are playing with people groups’ edginess for benefit, in any case, they do have some worth. They may not furnish you with the complete responses to accomplishing a fruitful love life yet they do give understanding to assist you with finding those responses for yourself.